My Mental Illness Story.

Hi, my name is Scott....

I'm the managing partner of CanGeek Games and Collectibles, I'm a blogger, sometimes I record podcasts and YouTube videos, I'm a husband and a father of two wonderful children, and I often consider ending my own life - at least I use too.

I was born with a visual impairment which made childhood difficult, I was always bullied and made fun of, I wasn't able to take part in many of the activities that other children did such as gym class as school - no one wanted to assume the potential legal liability of me being hurt.

I found it increasingly difficult to socialize with my peers, I felt like an outcast, I felt unwanted, things seemed hopeless - sometimes they still do.

At fourteen years of age I was the victim of a brutal attack, I was swarmed on the street by a group of bullies that I went to school with - a street gang that went by the name of the Queen Street Posse. They beat me within an inch of my life - the Doctors in the emergency room said I was lucky to be alive, one or two more blows and my skull would have shattered.

When I returned to school I had to face these people every day, I had to face their friends at school when this case went before the Canadian courts. When their lawyers stalled long enough the case was thrown out having never been heard, the then Young Offenders Act saved these bullies and allowed them to move forward with their lives - there was no justice to be had.

In fear I began to constantly look over my shoulder all the time.

This event followed me into high school, I was regularly questioned and taunted about it, I was called a snitch and a rat for involving the authorities - I felt defeated and I wanted to die. More then once I considered leaving, taking my own life, I didn't belong here and no one would miss me when I was gone.

I would sleep a lot, I hoped I would never wake up.

My parents knew something was wrong so they insisted I see our family Doctor, one conversation was all it took, soon after I was seeing a Psychiatrists on a regular basis.  I spent the remainder of my teenage years on medications to regulate my moods, to stop me from doing something stupid to myself or those around me, this was the case throughout my mid-twenties.

I'm not cured, sometimes I still get depressed and feel anxious, sometimes I still think the world would be a much better place without me in it - beyond my family would anyone really care if I was gone? Would anyone miss me?

Why am I telling you all this?

Tomorrow is January 31st 2018, here in Canada it's Bell Lets Talk day, a day were we are encouraged to talk about mental health and mental health issues.  Bell says that for every call, text, tweet, or social media interaction, they will make a donation towards mental health initiatives - so I encourage you to share my story because I'm not alone, there are many out there who feel alone, who feel helpless, who suffer in silence like I once did. 

Depression and anxiety are just two of the many mental illnesses we need to talk about, those suffering need to know that there are people who care about them, that they are loved, that they are not alone.

I now run my own business, I promote and sell board games and collectibles through CanGeek.  I blog, podcast and put out YouTube videos about the things I'm passionate about. 

I have an amazing wife whom I love dearly, although they can sometimes be a challenge I can't imagine life without my children, my family represents the best of me - they make life worth living.  

This is what I would have missed out on had my parents not been there to support me so many years ago, I suffer from anxiety and depression and this is my mental illness, this is my story.